Excerpt from Chapter 1: What to Do When You Think Your Child Has a Problem

3. What simple guidelines will help me begin to understand the seriousness of my child's troubles?

Often, when you are trying to judge the seriousness of your child's troubles, you are working at distinguishing between two paths: normal development and disorder/disruption. In normal development, the symptoms are temporary, a part of growing up, and will resolve pretty much with your usual interventions.

In disorder/disruption, the symptoms are more long-lasting and may represent a pattern of behavior regarded as not normal.....................

The following five questions may help you decide whether the symptoms you observe are more likely to be normal development or disorder/disruption, and whether to consult a professional or not.

How frequent is the symptom?

An occasional angry outburst that occurs once in six months over a big disappointment, such as the ending of a relationship, is normal. But tantrums which occur two or more times a week, particularly if over seemingly small matters, point toward disorder/disruption. Frequency, coupled with the symptom intensity, duration, or seriousness of consequence, provides a better guide to how soon to seek consultation than frequency of a symptom alone.

How intense is the symptom?

Teenage annoyance and frustration with parents is common, but rage and anger with cursing, screaming, or threatening is unusual. Dieting is common, but a passionate and extreme preoccupation with food and body size raises significant concern. Intensity has a subjective element to it, with one person's tolerance for it higher or lower than another's. However, if you experience your child's symptom as intense, check out your perception with another adult........

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Consultation is usually needed if the symptoms are frequent, quite intense, long-lasting and unusual, as well as socially, emotionally, or physically injurious. For more information about specific symptoms, and what you might do to help your child, see Chapter 2's list of "red flags." For a developmental perspective on your child and his or her difficulties, see Chapter 3.

Book Excerpts